Desire

There was nothing to say, that was all to it. He raked his mind but no word came through. The silence was deafening. He looked up to find her eyes focussed on him with no expression about them. “I don’t know why it happens. Times come when words simply flee”, he said. “You don’t appear one to get nervous”. She answered a smile on her face. “Have you and Dennis met before?” she asked, her eyes directed at a light-skinned gentleman standing on the cafeteria queue. “Taste my food” she told Dennis, who had by now joined their table. She too, spooned a little of his dish. This action cut Peter to the core, but he took it all in silence.

Desire is a blessed thing for it makes a man make use of the courage God planted in him. It, however, could become a curse; this so when there is too much of it so that it clogs the tap. For Peter, he is often left in a trap from which he cannot, for a time, extract himself. It happens every time desire goes beyond his limit of expression. The tank of words dries up, and he becomes frantic inside but still tries to maintain calm outside. A pin-drop could startle him because he is using so much effort to paint the serene picture.

As the fruit of her lungs filled the chapel that evening, there was one voice as the congregation joined in. Each heart had focussed on the object of the moment – a time of worship during a Wednesday evening service, and he had been a part of it. He next met her during a ‘coffee fellowship’ where he was introduced by one of his friends. A chord had struck inside him, and he knew thus begun a journey.

Given a sword and he could snatch it and make mince of his enemy; with a javelin, the arch cutting through the blueness of the sky could pin down more than a pound of meat. Now, given a mouth, and a mind to go with it, he was at a loss. The art of charm wasn’t his plate of fish.

Hope, to a burdened man is as welcome as dew is to parched land. A whiff of it caught at him that morning, and he clung to it as a drowning man would clutch at a straw. There was a resolve within him that, even if it killed him, he would face her that day.  He had later taken courage and asked her to lunch. “What would you do if I declined the offer?” she casually responded. A tinge of disappointment had sought to pierce him then, but he only chuckled and walked away. Some moments later, she looked at him with questioning eyes when he’d walked by her, “Is lunch still on?” her question surprised him because he had taken the initial reaction as a decline. They went out together.

“I don’t understand why I get the shivers around you. I asked you out just to get to know you better and learn to appreciate you,” he’d told her as they walked to the cafeteria. She smiled, a little surprised, “You don’t seem one to be cowed, Peter. I’m amused”. The chat had been smooth and lively with her laughing loud and asking a question here and there.

He seemed as one who had put water to boil in a cracked pot. The blaze had gone on beautifully when suddenly, the bottom gave way. All the water had poured, getting the wood soggy. The fire had naturally gone out and the cold bit at him. With whatever confidence was left in him. He stood up and got each one at the table some fruit. Clearly, that had not gone well, but it thrilled him that at least, he had tried – and gotten a chance to take her out.

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9 responses to this post.

  1. Posted by furaha ya izzoh on April 1, 2011 at 10:20 pm

    It’s a good thing to let uaslf fall in love. It aint sin n God made it 2 exist. Am hapi 4 u. Keep up. You don always get negative answers on “date offers” it all depends on how you do it(You r well trained.) Don worry abt freakin out it happpens 2 every1 evn 2 shawtiz but it’s fun. Wen u luk back it’s a source of humour. Jealousy n hard swallowing is part of the male ego 4 their babes, imagined or real. Let it not scare u bt u nid 2 4cus on learning how 2 appreciate tat ladies by nature will always b social: we wonna talk 2 a few if nt all, scream over notin at all then smile at everythn. Also check tat ua ego doesn’t render u selfish or dictatorially violent as it has often happend 2 many of ua race in the past. Not bcz they like or intend it 2 but bcz they just can’t stomach their angels takin a chuckle from anatha dude. You nid 2 understand tat once ladies freely dedicate 2 love a guy he’s evrytn 2 ha n he means da world 2 her so just gv ha space; cz so long as she’s a straight 4wad chiquitta wit a reliable personality she wont mess nothin. BARAKA!!!

    Reply

  2. Posted by lizdin on April 8, 2011 at 12:41 pm

    very interesting this, and very bold of you to put yourself out there…out there as in blog about your inner feelings, desire as you call it….”and it thrilled him that at least, he had tried….and gotten the chance to take her out” that there is worth the chase, the bile taste in your mouth..and all manner of unpleasant encounters.

    Reply

    • Well, I realised that in speaking out comes freedom…at least there lies a lesson in hearing fellow men point out where you went wrong etc. I also thought it good for those who are yet to reach this stage probably have some ‘primary information’ so that when it happens, they don’t feel like first-time losers 😉

      Reply

  3. […] The Door’s Open « Desire […]

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  4. […] very well understand the place of affirmation when the desire to love and be loved comes in. It is not long since it left me hollow and cold but thankfully, a […]

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  5. […] time to pray and to give thanks when the object of my desire has turned down my advance, helped me cultivate a relationship with God first, before considering […]

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