The Struggle Within

The sun peered from behind distant hills, cautiously sending forth a golden ray. This caught the higher boughs of one of the two great trees standing in the compound. As the morning breeze caught on and got the two swaying, the golden crown kept shifting from one to the other. They were as twin sisters haggling over a tiara. I let the curtain drop and silently reflected upon a struggle within.

Two natures sought to dominate me. One was a natural choice but with a gloomy ending, the other an ideal way to live but of little appeal to one who wants to uphold his pride. Kings of old waged war, sometimes to enlarge their boundaries or just to add to their coffers. The monarch would put up cavalry and set out to take a piece at a time, if not all, of his neighbour’s wealth. Someone else works in such fashion: he created nothing and therefore owns nothing, but of a piece of everything he feels he must have and that includes me.

I am Adam’s kin and bear a burdensome inheritance. Could it be that it is easier to walk the way of perversion whence my existence began? How else could one explain my ease at bearing uncalled for load, walking the marketplace in garments of pride, yet I’m hurting inside; a pale shadow of the strength I attempt at displaying on the outside?

I reflect back upon the twin sisters, and the tiara. None was stronger than the other to keep the crown upon her head. The swaying went on and on. When one tree didn’t bend far enough it missed its shining moment. Such would describe my struggle. The nature to everlasting life swept me for a moment but the mocker would take grab of me in less than a while. I would feel dejected and rejected, for I knew the path I wanted to walk. The saying goes, as a man thinketh so is he.

Whatsoever things true and good and right, fix your thoughts on these; whatsoever things pure and lovely, think of these; whatsoever things fine and good in others, dwell on these: this, Scripture says. The words make for beautiful philosophy to the academic mind and the cynic would look at it as a principle too hard to apply. Such, is the way of Christ- foolish to the ‘intelligent’ mind. The benefit of these only comes in obedience. We obey, not because it is the easier path to follow but because it is the best way to walk. Though thorns are there and briars make the journey not pleasant, the destination bears far more good than we could ever ask or think.

As I keep on, the old self still mounts steed, steady and sure, assaulting every will at walking right. The troops attack with fury and their weapons send forth flashes of light. Flashes that illuminate all the devil says I am. Discouragement wells and leaves me feeling ashamed but I choose to hold on. I do not sit back feeling too ashamed to keep on in the way of life because God made a covenant with us through Christ. He has called us to go to Him, as we are. He will only be ashamed of us if, when the curtain closes on time, we shall have lived our lives being ashamed of Him.

As the sun finally sets in the evening, flooding the sky with an orange glow, I watch the two trees. They are now still and are soaking in the light. There are no more struggles as birds flutter about their branches chirping their ‘goodnights’. Peace floods my soul as I rest in the assurance that I am in safe Hands and I am not walking alone.


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